Monday, September 21, 2015


It's like trying to vacuum the carpet with a leaf blower.  It is as frustrating as trying to start your car with a bread stick instead of a key.  It's like trying to see through a brick wall.  How do you discipline twins who aren't saying but a few words, but for damn sure can read each others minds and before you call BS, I've seen them do it.  I've seen them share a glance, giggle to one another and without hesitation run over to the table grab onto it like it was a jungle gym and start swinging from it.  The kitchen table is their favorite climbing opportunity for sure but their second favorite apparatus is the TV stand.  Tonight my wife had some business to attend to so I was running the show and the twins wouldn't stay off of it.  As my frustration escalated, so did the joy they received from the activity.  Henry seemed to be the instigator so I put him in time out for about twenty seconds and explained to him his infraction and turned him loose.  He immediately ascended the TV stand.  So I tried again.  Same results.  What am I supposed to do, build a fence around the TV because if that's what it takes I know a guy.  How do you communicate with these two dudes!  The more I tell them no, the more they laugh in my face!  One of the most infuriating unstoppable things that goes on is spitting.  They drink their fill of their favorite beverage, milk and then they proceed to just spit it on the damn floor!  It's very easy to stop this once you catch them in the act, just take the milk, but if you're making a bed or putting laundry away and you come out of a bedroom to find puddles of milk decorating the hall way it tends to set you off.  Then once you do take it away from him they cry like you just stepped on there foot and called them the N word.  If you try to head them off at the pass and just watch for the first sign of turning milk into a projectile, they know.  They turn their backs.  "No spitting!" makes them laugh like crazy and when I tell them they can forget about using the car Saturday night, it goes in one ear and out the other.  If anyone has a suggestion on how to get them to listen to reason by all means leave a comment I mean I'm spinning my wheels over here.  Someone should write a book on parenting twins I mean.  Like us on facebook at BadTwinDad and leave a comment, shit write me a letter if you think you have something that will help me get threw to these doppelgangers.  I'm going to go eat a piece of chocolate and have a beer.  I'm a BadTwinDad.

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